A Just For SH*#$ and Giggles Short Story #1
Pete McNutt, a privy salesman, needs customers for his new business. Spring has arrived and it’s prime time Privy Season. After much consideration, he refines his sales pitch, takes courage in hand, and heads to the monthly meeting of the Women’s Library Association.
“Let us begin with our first order of business,” Mrs. McGillicutty carefully placed the bell on the podium and raised her chin, a smug smile upon her face. “We will soon have a second shelf of books adorning our library, donated by the Women’s Club of Kalamazoo.”
After a moment, she held up a hand to stop the applause. “While corresponding with the association’s president, I learned that one of their top priorities this year is the cleanliness and sanitation of their town. In fact, they have petitioned the mayor to remove all unsealed privies from within their city limits. These privies, I might remind you, have pits open to the elements.”
The whispers soon turned into a roomful of excited voices. The unsightly, odorous outhouses that the women had endured for centuries were crosses they bore in resigned silence.
“A new privy?”
“Imagine what that would be like?”
READ MORE“Well, I hope that means a deeper hole.”
“I swear my Frank waits longer every year to dig a new pit.” Mrs. Adipose, a rather large woman, put her hand to her mouth and lowered her voice. “Sometimes after a long winter, I try not to sit down too heavily for I fear the contents may meet my backside.”
“Is that why he’s here?”
Pete’s face turned redder than a rooster’s comb when Mrs. Higgins pointed straight at him.
One by one, the women turned to stare at the lone man in the room. He sat in a corner of the small town hall that doubled as the town library and pulled at his stiff white collar fighting for air. Even with the light spring breeze blowing through the open windows, the crowded room felt muggy and uncomfortable. The two dozen or so women in front of him suddenly seemed much more intimidating than they had at church last Sunday.
His presentation boards were turned toward the wall to avoid any commotion. Females had a delicate constitution and easily discomfited. He had hesitated to accept Mrs. McGillicutty’s invitation, but his partner insisted it was a golden opportunity.
COLLAPSE
Reviews
~Top 100 Laugh Out Loud books on Goodreads~
“This could be a scene right out of Garrison Keillor’s Lake Woebegon radio show, especially with the addition of different voices for characters and sound effects. It’s that funny.” ~~ Karla, Goodreads Review
“Expertly written and hysterical. You can’t go wrong with this one!” ~~ Renea Mason, author of the paranormal erotica Symphony and Light series.